the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
