I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Is it penis luge time yet?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
They took my balls.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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