It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
