Farmville is her only friend.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
