I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize