Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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