Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
