i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
