i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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