What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We just shotgunned beers for America
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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