is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
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At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
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Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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