Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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