my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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