Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
