Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
