Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
