dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
