I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
