as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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