she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
