The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
