I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
