took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
