My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
