so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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