He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
