I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
