life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
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The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
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The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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