I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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