when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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