oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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