Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
