I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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