talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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