If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
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