Apparently you make a good broom.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
