Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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