FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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