Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Randomize
