Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
