um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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