Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
