fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
