I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
