i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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