Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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