Swine flu. Run for my life!
She said her name was "party"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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