Three words: puerto rican gang bang
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
