So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
