This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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