I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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