I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
