it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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