Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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