Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize