Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
