am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
