that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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