So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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