I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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