There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
