i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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