Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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