why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
