apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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