ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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