So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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