So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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