So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
They took my balls.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
