I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
