the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
