I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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