Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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