worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
