How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize