their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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