Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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